Trying to Breathe
I apologize for the lack of entries lately. The kids started school, and I've been trying to get a system in order for that. Haley's 2nd birthday arrived along with Labor Day weekend, so we were celebating that event. Work got incredibly busy, so I was of course dealing with that as well. However, this week has been quite different. Life altering, one might say. And since it's 2:20 am and I should be sleeping but cannot, I might as well tell you about it.
Monday morning I was coming off of a busy work week. Last week there was a major hardware failure in a network device for the main customer I was in charge of supporting. Long story short, there were many hours spent on the phone with the primary network engineer to get the issue resolved. On our weekly Monday morning call, we discussed the past week's events and were getting ready to confer all was well with the customer. Before I had a chance to type the email, I received a call from a coworker informing me of some difficult news: the primary network engineer was killed in a train accident over the weekend. I was very shaken up at this news and informed my coworkers of this tragedy.
Tuesday was my 7th anniversary with my company, and not to mention a 6th anniversary of one of the most difficult days of my life (not commenting on that today). I was still feeling pretty upset about the news I received on Monday, but that wouldn't be the end of my bad news.
Wednesday morning I arrived back at home after walking the kids to the bus stop. Before leaving, I read an email from the company president saying there would be 265 new layoffs before the end of the week. I never feel safe when hearing that news, but was still shocked to get the phone call informing me I was one of them. There aren't appropriate words to convey how I am still feeling, so I'll leave it up to your imagination. Perhaps one day when I'm not still tossing and turning at such an hour, I will be more eloquent in describing it. I've done everything in my power to remain off of that list for 7 years, including still paying for my Master's Degree: of which most people do not even have their Bachelor's (note: I know a degree doesn't mean everything, but come on, I am not a dummy and more than pull my weight). I've put in so much overtime, lived without a raise for 6 of those years, took paycuts, and didn't complain. This week, I was worried about the guy losing his life and was trying to figure out a way to help. Luckily I still have my own life, but the situation I am in now is pretty tough. I feel like I've been sucker punched when I was already vulnerable. And the 'best' part? They sent some code to my PERSONAL phone and wiped it clean...meaning I lost all of my personal pictures, settings, contacts, etc. Had I known, I could have backed up my personal information from my PERSONAL phone to my media card (all of which I purchased myself of course), but I had no knowledge this would happen. So much for 7 years of loyalty.
So if you are a regular reader of my blog, I do apologize for my lack of writing lately. I will pick back up before long...after I figure out what I'm doing with my life and how to support 4 young children. And after I find a way to sleep well at night once again. It should be easier...after all, I don't have to worry about my middle of the night work calls any longer, right?
