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October 17, 2007

Why Should It Be Easy?

Obviously, my life is in a little transition right now.  Soul searching can only go so far.  You figure you are part of this planet, this generation, this future…you have a job to do.  Or at least I feel that way.

I put together a resume that I thought was pretty ok.  Now I find that competition in IT is so much more these days, that my resume probably doesn't stand as much of a chance as I’d hoped.  I lack the funds to pay for a professional rewrite, so I will just have to do my own research and hopefully come up with my own marketing scheme that sells me well.

I’m not intimidated by marketing myself professionally.  I am not easily intimidated overall, and I know there are a lot of qualities I possess that I would want in an employee of my own.  And I also know that I won't use this blog entry as some sort of self-righteous vindication for my own benefit.  Ha ha.

Even though I might be an illegitimate, but loved, self motivated product of the Chicago Public School Systems who worked two full time jobs every chance I had, put myself through college twice, not easily because I worked and they held that against me but I didn’t stop, accomplished everything so far by my own determination not by any easy route whatsoever, decided to follow my own path in life even though it was a risk…..and why in the hell do I still have so much student loan debt…and why am I STILL so friggin’ tired?

Let me take a breath.  And let me ask why nothing is ever easy in my life?  Why have I always had to fight so hard for every.single.thing I have?  Why isn't ANYTHING EVER EASY FOR ME?
I have the answer, believe it or not.

The reason why nothing is ever easy for me is simple enough - because I never take the easy way out.  Furthermore, I never believe in settling.  I truly believe that everything worth having, is worth some work to get it.  And it takes work to keep it.  Believe me, I still stop to smell the many roses along the way and never, ever forget what I have today - in this minute - right now.  But I will still be realistic and know that there are still so many things in the future.  I am part of 'my own' family now, and have more responsibility than just my own dreams.

And you know what?  It’s even more the reason to keep reaching for the next thing.

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October 08, 2007

On the Positive Side

Last weekend, we had company in from Tennessee.  My uncle and his family came to visit us.  We had a great time showing them around, and it was like taking a vacation without needing to travel.  We went shopping at our new local mall, bowling, watched the kids' soccer game, went downtown, took a boat ride down Lake Michigan and then enjoyed a day at Six Flags.  It was great fun!  I have to say that when it comes to Six Flags, I am still a kid at heart.  That place just brings back so many happy memories for me, and when it comes to roller coasters, I am young again.  We tried to hit all of the major coasters but unfortunately ran out of time (it was quite crowded, given we had record breaking warmth for this time of year), and missed Superman.  Aside from that however, I have to say that Deja Vu has to be the most intense roller coaster experience I have ever had.  Wow.  I wish I could have ridden it again!!!  ;-)

It was also a lot of fun to be able to go there with my children.  Riding the same rides I have ridden throughout my childhood with them was pretty darn cool.  Watching their excitement and happiness was enough to make my heart burst.  It was one of those times I remembered the pain of infertility.  When we were trying to have a baby, my mind would torture me by thinking of all the fun things I wanted to do as a family.  It's nice to know that my dreams were right on; such things are as wonderful as I'd imagined they'd be.  Even nicer that it's now my reality, and no longer just a dream.

I have also taken a step to hopefully allow me some relief from the Endometriosis.  I had a Mirena IUD inserted last Thursday.  It releases progesterone, which they are finding provides relief in some endo patients.  During pregnancy, you do not have endo pain.  They are trying to figure out exactly why, and one theory is because your progesterone levels are so high.  Remember, endo pain is not just associated with menstruation - that would be an easy fix.  They think that progesterone helps render the endo lesions inactive, thus absolving you of the associated pain.  Additionally, the IUD keeps your uterine lining on the thinner side, also helping with overly heavy flows.  For my situation, Mirena was a good option to try.  I'm told to give it at least 3-6 months to fully appreciate its effectiveness.  IUDs are funny things; you are sticking a foreign object into your body.  It's a fairly new concept to use this to help with endo, but for some, it's helping.  I hope I am one of the lucky ones.  So far I can't complain.  It was easier to put in than I expected, and after the first few days of cramping (sometimes a little much), things seem to be calming down.  Fingers crossed.

So after a fun filled family weekend and an encouraging step to lessening the continual pain in my life, I feel rejuvenated.  I feel positive (even though my Cubbies blew the playoffs).  I feel ready for something new.  I started a real job search.  I am no longer paralyzed by the thought of going back to a full time position.  After looking at the jobs on the market, I feel ready for a promotion.  I have skills and I have the potential to find a higher position than I was in.  I also have the potential to bring in a much higher salary than I had with my previous employer.  Since we've been slipping backwards financially, I think it's time to play catch-up for a while.  I was blessed with over two years of being home with my little one.  I don't think it would be the end of the world if she had to go somewhere at this point.  Of course I would much rather remain at home with her, but I just don't think that is going to work out so it's time to consider other possibilities.  Maybe if we got a bit caught up financially, down the road I could go back to the teaching part time scenario.  Right now, that just isn't going to pay enough and the child care situation it creates is very difficult.

I have applied to several positions which sound appealing.  We'll see if any pan out.  For now, I will limit my search to those that interest me.  If none work, at that point I will change my search to the plain ole 'network engineer' role that I left.  Right now, I feel I have more to offer than just that, and I feel no pressure to quickly settle for something that I don't really want to do.  I don't want simply a lateral move.  I want a move up.  I feel ready for it, and confident too.  Dare I say maybe even a little excited.

So I do feel optimistic about the future.  I'll say it again: I am confident that this will lead to bigger and better things, and I really hope before long, I'll be thanking previous employer for giving me the boot.

Things are looking up!

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