Happy Birthday, Grandma
Happy birthday, grandma. Grandmas are always special, but you know you weren't 'just' my grandma. There are a lot of people missing you today, and I wanted to just share my personal thoughts.
I know you are still with me, because I talk to you pretty much daily. You are still everywhere in my life. I see you all over the place. I see you in the things I do, the things I say, the things I want to call you up and tell you. I see you in my mom, in my kids, in people I meet. I feel you in the songs we listen to, in the birds we hear, in the emotions provoked from things you've said. I hear you in the things I say, the things you've said, the things I should say to people. Every now and then I will catch a scent and swear it was you walking by. I cook and I taste, ever so slightly, the things you used to cook (although I've never made 'shit on a shingle' and I probably never will...and I STILL cannot recreate the fried potatoes, no matter how hard I try).
In 2003, I was supposed to take you to Las Vegas to celebrate your 70th birthday. I really, really wanted to do that, because I know you would have enjoyed it. I hadn't been back there since 1999, and I really thought the next time would be that trip with you. I don't need to tell you that it didn't work out for us to go that year. On a fluke, I was there last month, and had the strangest twist of fate I've experienced in a very long time. An elder lady sat in the aisle seat next to Aaron and I, and I felt my heart drop to my knees. That was supposed to be you sitting next to me!!!
I am probably overly social most time, but yet I could hardly utter a syllable to her. She reminded me so much of you. She was traveling with a friend and went to talk to her during the flight. I could just see you and Millie doing such a trip. Finally when we were almost there, I managed some conversation, which only make me think even more of you. After we landed safely, I was promply hit with such a wave of emotion, I cried. I could not hold them back any longer no matter how hard I tried. Here I was, in Las Vegas when it should have with been you, sitting next to someone who could have been you, and I was simply overcome. But then I realized yet again, you were still with me. If it means I have to cry during those especially poignant moments, I guess that's the small price I'll pay.
Caden, Connor and Jordyn swear they remember you, and I believe them. You spent a lot of their early days with them. Jordyn was 'your' girl for a long time and I know she honestly remembers it. We all still talk about you all the time, so you are fresh in their memory. Then Haley came along, one you never met. But she definitely has your fiesty spirit. Everyone knows she's named "Haley Faye" because it sounds like "Hellie Faye," a name we all know you were so 'fond' of hearing. I hope each time we say it, you hear it too.
So, on that note, I guess another "Happy Birthday." I hope you and 'pa (among the many others we have lost and hold dear), are getting a good laugh at us still down here. We miss you dearly, and look forward to seeing you again one day.
